I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
