If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
