i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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