I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Someone came in the potted fern
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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