I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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