my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
