Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
