she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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