i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
