You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
