I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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