And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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