I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
