You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
