I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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