I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We had to coat check the pizza.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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