I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
