We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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