Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
