i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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