He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
