I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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