he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
