i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
