I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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