The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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