I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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