Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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