the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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