I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Your face is a jimmy john
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
