I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
