I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
