omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
