He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
