There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
