Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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