Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
