Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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