Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
