Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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