why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
