Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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