We're like a lot better than the average bears
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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