i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Randomize
