I feel like abortions should bother me more
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How naked do you want me to be?
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