How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize