Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
