So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
