I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
