i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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