New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
