then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
