I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
