Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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