I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
