i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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