the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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