turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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