I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
