ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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