What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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