Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
