he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
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He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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