did you get engaged???
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i love accidental penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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