I'm really into asian looking animals
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
