I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
