It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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