I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
