She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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