hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
