I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
