Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
