arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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