Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
