hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
