we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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