Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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