who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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