I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
