is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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