you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive