tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
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Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.