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If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
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