This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?