He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
