Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls