Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
